Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Never Have Sex, so I’m Having an Affair
Your friend is going through a trauma, lovver what he needs right now is a friend he can trust with the full range of his emotions. A YEAR-OLD Westgate married woman. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
You take away the secrecy. In cases of infidelity, many people have a hard time supporting their friends like this, because righteous indignation gets in the way. Do they respond to our wants and needs? Jan 4, — MARRIED WOMAN LEAVES HUBBY FOR MARRIED LOVER AFTER WHATSAPP CHAT LEAK. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Any wisdom would be welcome.
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Meanwhile, in your chat, as in many wives that lack physical intimacy, what you see reflected back to you is likely the opposite: You feel invisible, undesired, and unheard when it comes to your wants and needs. But the problem with this way of thinking is twofold. Anonymous Dear Anonymous, You clearly lover about your friend and have a lot of empathy for him.
This is where your own feelings come in. One event, no matter how painful, is rarely as clear-cut as it seems. This means that your main job as his friend is to be a compassionate and nonjudgmental sounding board as he sorts through his own feelings. Asit takes form in the mirror our parents hold up to us. As you think back to how these interactions went, do you feel that you were a true partner in working through this issue together, or did you feel so personally injured, so much like the helpless victim in this story, that you framed this as something that your husband needed to work out alone?
Do they delight in our presence?
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Now might be a good time to get curious about your own feelings around betrayal. I am envisioning my new life, relatively joyless, sexless, lonely, and isolated. And all of this angst and sadness is being experienced in secret. No matter what you come to decide, remember that a marriage, like a broken heart, is healed from the inside, not dhat outside.
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It means supporting his growth as he goes chta his own process of rebuilding with her, and as the two of them try to understand what the infidelity meant, where it came from, and where they might go from here. Sep 26, — Shares Shocking Screenshots of His Wife's Chat With Her Lover how he found out his wife was cheating on him with a man who beats her.
The thinking goes: This is a no-brainer. Early on, when the sexual problems became lver, how did you and your husband talk about them?
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Sexual issues can stem from so many causes: health problems, stress, poor communication, medication side effects, a history of abuse, trauma, negative body image—and all of these are tangled up with feelings a person has around being wanted and loved, and feeling connected to someone else. How can I help?
Finally, you might also temper the intensity by considering that despite how affairs tend to be viewed in our culture, what goes on caht a marriage is often nuanced and complex. Wife Lovers - Message board. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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Was your therapist truly suggesting that you deceive your husband with a covert affair, or rather that you talk with him about the possibility of opening wifr the marriage and see if the two of you might find a different way forward? It means allowing him to have his own feelings, which include great love for his wife, despite the deep pain this betrayal has caused.
Cuat, you unilaterally decided to direct all of your sexual and emotional energy outside the marriage, making it even harder for your husband to connect with you on any level. How does one handle heartbreak that is a secret? Anonymous Newton, Massachusetts Dear Anonymous, What strikes me most in your letter is the contradiction between the joy you say your lover brings you and your description of how he treats you.
The original Wifelovers Adult community and message board. As adults, many of them end up in marriages lovwr resemble their childhood. While your friend is examining his feelings about the affair, you might find examining the intensity of your own feelings about it helpful. Do they see our beauty?
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What makes it hard for you to see the shades of gray that your friend can see, even in his pain? Could a part of you want them to break up so that you can be with him?
Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Children who lack this reflection experience heartbreak and grieve alone, because the adults they would normally share their inner worlds with are the very people they feel hurt by.
Part of me wonders if Chatt am even entitled to any of this grief, that llover I deserve this for being an adulterer. The full stop is hard—especially when you have such strong feelings—but doing so is crucial to his well-being right now, and his ability to arrive at his own place of clarity in the long run. Meanwhile, your husband may not know about your affair or he may know more than you imagine, prompting his job search across the countrybut as much as you feel his distance from you, surely he senses your distance from him.
If this were me, I would leave the marriage. Do we matter to them?
I have to save my friend from this selfish person. Instead of seeing his behavior for what it is—manipulative, menacing, controlling, and cruel—you seem to idealize your lovee as the source of your happiness, which indicates to me that your distorted ideas about love and connection have deep roots. Perhaps without realizing it, you sought out what felt familiar to you from your childhood—the pain of feeling helpless and alone.
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As wufe well know, your friend is going through a very turbulent time, and what he needs most is to be able to hear himself—not you—clearly. Does something in your history hit home here? I feel so out of control. So how do you handle heartbreak that is a secret?